One Step Back
by Vampire Slushie
Summary: [Prequel] Before the book was opened, they lived out their lives in the quiet town of St. Ivalice. They learned and they laughed but secretly, they cried. Bit by bit, they slipped into desolation. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to run away...
1. Ritz

**A/N:** Hey there, every-peoples! It seems I've gotten around to uploading another story (nooo! My 90,000 word average!). Anyways, I got this idea while I was in the FFTA forums (join us if you have an account!). We were talking about what we might change about the game and I decided to do my own take on a prologue. So here it is...

**RITZ**

"Red No. 12, shake well before applying." The label stated, succeeded by a relentless sequence of complicated instructions. Ritz quickly looked over them but didn't care much about paying attention. _"It's hair dye, just how hard is it to say dump and comb?"_ She thought as she changed into one of her dad's old T-shirts. _"I could do this in my sleep."_ This saying, of course, was never meant to be taken literally. Had it been true, Ritz wouldn't be so late for school everyday. It simply meant that she was so used to doing it, it no longer required much thought. Pink stains from previous morning routines decorated the shirt around its shoulders and inside the collar. There were at least 11 layers of dye on that shirt and the number would continue to grow until Ritz decided it was time to get a new one, which was usually once a month.

She walked over to the bathtub and took a seat, lifting the showerhead out of its holster on her way down. Leaning her head across the basin, she turned on the water and thoroughly soaked every strand of hair on her head. She stared somberly as streaks of red accompanied the dirty water down the drain. _"This stuff better be stronger than that last brand."_ She mused as she furiously shook up the bottle. "Oh well, here goes nothin'!"

---

"_Today's the day!" Announced 6-year-old Ritz, punching the air as her childhood friend watched indifferently. "Today, I'm going to confess my love to Guinness!"_

"_You've got questionable taste." Daryle muttered, kicking a bale of snow in Ritz's path to ruin her good mood. Her friend didn't seem to mind but stopped to stick a tongue before proceeding on with her self-conducted pep rally. "He's lazy, arrogant, violent, and he's always wearing that stupid, blue beanie!"_

"_Oh, that beanie." Ritz sighed as her hands moved to her cheeks, pretending to conceal a blush. Daryle whacked her lightly in the back of the head. _

"_Seriously, Ritz. You're so childish; both of you are! You two deserve eachother." _

_Ritz met her friends reply with a small laugh. "I'm so glad you're finally seeing it my way!" _

_Daryle frowned at her hopeless friend but it was already too late to talk her out of it. Once Ritz made up her mind, she'd pursue her goal to the end of the earth. "We both know very well that that was sarcasm. That boy is nothing but trouble and I'm not going to pity you when your heart gets broken." She pleaded one last time. "Back down before you get hurt."_

---

"I really should have listened to you." Ritz muttered to her, even though she knew for a fact that her friend was over four-hundred miles away and couldn't possibly have heard her, especially in that tone. It had been over 8 years since Daryle's father was transferred to England (St. Ivalice is in France), though the two of them still talked through letters and e-mail. She was always sure to sound happy and optimistic whenever she was writing, which meant she never told her childhood friend what was really going on.

"_If you could only see me now..."_ She thought, spreading the colored gunk through her hair with the comb. _"See what a mess I've become."_ She smiled wickedly at those words; how would _anyone_ react when they found out the class head dyed her hair every day. The fact that she did wasn't entirely unknown, they were just waiting for her to slip up. She gave her hair another spritz, doing her best not to inhale the fumes. _"Why do I even bother?"_

---

"_What is that?" Guinness demanded, staring at the sticker-sealed envelope in Ritz's outstretched hands. _

"_It's a letter of confession." The white-haired girl replied nervously. "Please accept it!" The boy took it out of her hands and looked it over before shoving it in his coat pocket. Without a word, he started walking towards the main schoolhouse. Ritz stared after him in shock. On one hand, he accepted her letter but on the other, he didn't seem to have any reaction at all. "Aren't you going to open it?" She called after him._

"_Of course I am." He shouted back, turning his head back just long enough for her to catch the wicked grin on his face. "How do you think it's going to sound when it's read over the loudspeakers?"_

---

"_So that's how this all started..."_ She recollected, playing over the exact moment that caused her to start dyeing her hair. She didn't even know if Guinness had actually read her note on the P.A that day, though she had a strong feeling that she would. The class 'D.Js' were entrusted with the morning announcements and those who were given the job were driven to corruption. Guinness was no different so the minute he was out of sight, Ritz ran off the school grounds and didn't stop running until she reached home. She remembered staying locked up in her room for a week, stepping out only for meals and to use the bathroom. It took her another month to work up the nerve to ask Guinness why he wouldn't return her feelings and his response made her want to lock herself back up for another week.

"_I don't like prissy, little grandmas."_

The words were permanently embedded in her memory, serving as a constant reminder of why she made the change. "Here's to you, Guinness." She whispered as she placed the shower cap over her head. It was needless to say that her crush on the beanie-wearing bully was a thing of the past. In fact, she detested him with every fiber of her being. But despite her overpowering hatred towards him, he, as well as Lyle and Colin, were major influences in her life. The class followed their examples without much opposition, since those who spoke out against them went home with black eyes. Though it was a shameful thing to admit, her long-term goal was to be accepted by them. When they would finally leave her alone, she could live the rest of her days in peace.

After making sure the cap was on correctly, Ritz took a deep breath and walked into the hall. The scent of crispy bacon drifted from the kitchen as she descended the stairs and crossed the room to the dining table. On the other side of the room, a tall, slim man with flaming red hair was flipping pancakes. "Morning, Sunshine." He called. Ritz's only response was a groan, though it was far from enthusiastic.

Mr. Malheur smiled back as he added two eggs into the frying pan. He was well aware that his daughter wasn't a morning person, the stench from hair dye had that effect on everyone. All she needed was a few minutes to get used to it and she would be back to her agreeable self again. Sure enough, just a few moments later, Ritz's voice reached out across the kitchen. "So why are you cooking breakfast today?"

"Your mom has a photo-shoot today." Her father answered, "She told us about her new client at dinner, remember?"

"Of course." Ritz grumbled, her eyes falling onto the table. "How could I forget."

---

_Ritz's mother was a modeling agent and a photographer for LaBelle, a company that makes clothing for teenage girls. After witnessing a slight decline in sales during the past year, the marketing team decided to start making clothes for younger consumers. However, one of their models called in sick on the day of the unveiling and they had to find someone to fill in. Unfortunately for Ritz, who was still confined to her room at the time, her father had been called away to a board meeting and they couldn't have a 6-year-old running around while they were discussing business plans. __ To put it frankly, that was the day Ritz's mom brought her to work._

"_Go stand somewhere where you won't get in anyone's way." Ordered her mom the second they entered the building. Ritz looked helplessly as crew members raced around her, carrying things like coffee and clothes racks as requested by their foremans so whe went to the only place where it seemed she wouldn't get run over: the far corner of the room. "And try not to break anything!" Her mother called to her back. Ritz bit down sharply on her lip. This would have been the perfect time to use the rude gesture a friend had taught her at school but after what happened when she tried it out on a teacher, she could only imagine what would happen if she did it to her mom._

_As soon as her daughter got to safety, Mrs. Malheur turned around and found herself face to face with her manager. "Mr. Tursman! Good morning!" She cried out, backing up a couple feet._

_Her boss, a fairly short man whose smooth, bald head barely went up to Mrs. Malheur's shoulders, wore a red, checkered jacket with matching pants. He was on the cell phone at the time when he accidentally bumped into Mrs. Malheur but hung up just as she was saying her greeting. Mr. Tursman gave her a slow nod before shoving his phone back in her pocket. Almost instantly, he changed into a state of distress. "Oh, Ellen, this is horrible!" He wailed, grabbing the woman by the arms and shaking her slightly. "That was Maria's manager on the other line. She said she broke her ankle and couldn't make it." _

_Mrs. Malheur smiled politely as she pulled herself from the man's grasp and ushered him into a chair. "Now Mr. Tursman, it's not the end of the world. Maybe one of the other girls can take her place." She suggested._

"_No, they're too big. The clothes are tailored to fit a size 6 figure and all the other girls are..." As he spoke, his eyes wandered desperately around the room when they suddenly caught Ritz's gaze. It took him a few seconds to realize what he was looking at but when he did, his face immediately brightened up and he quickly scrambled over to her. "Why, hello there!" He chimed, pulling Ritz forward so fast she almost tripped on her own shoes. "And who might you be?"_

"_Um...sir? That would be my daughter." Mrs. Malheur replied nervously. "You see, my husband had a-" Her explanation was unexpectedly cut short when the director clapped both hands on her shoulders._

"_Ellen, you're always two steps ahead! Where would I be without you?" He cried happily before turning back to Ritz. "So what's your name?" He asked, kneeling down to her level._

"_Ritz."_

"_Nice to meet you, Ritz. I'm Mr. Tursman. And how old are you?"_

"_Six..."_

"_Really? Wow, you're big for your age!" Upon hearing this, Ritz promptly stamped her foot, obviously offended. "Oh, excuse me. I meant tall; tall for your age." The man corrected himself with a laugh. "Now that we've been properly introduced, could you do me a big favor?"_

_Ritz's mother suddenly paled, knowing exactly what her boss was about to ask. "Sir, you can't be serious!"_

"_Why not? She's as cute as a button!" The manager squealed, poking the little girl on the cheek. Ritz had to resist the urge to bite down on it. "She's a bit smaller than Maria but I'm sure the tailors could fit her into the prototypes."_

"_But what about..." Ritz's mother lowered her voice to a whisper, or at least she tried to. Ritz could feel her stomach twist itself into a knot as she uttered the last words- 'her hair'. It grew even tighter as their conversation dragged on._

"_Oh, yes! She can't go out looking like that! No sirree! We'll get Linda on that right away." Mr. Tursman replied, taking Ritz by the hand and leading her down the hall. At this time, Ritz was in so much pain she didn't think much to argue. "I think she'd look just lovely with a head of bright red hair..."_

---

"Dad...do you remember when I started dying my hair?"

"Erm...I think so." He replied between mouthfuls of bacon. "It was right after your pageant, wasn't it?"

"_Mom's _Pageant" Ritz corrected gratuitously. She had repeatedly denied ever taking part in such an event, despite the countless amount of photographic evidence. One picture even made it into print but, thankfully, in a magazine that nobody in her school read; at the time it was published, hardly anyone in her kindergarten **could** read. A laminated issue was framed in her parent's bedroom and Ritz made sure to hide it whenever company was over.

Mr. Malheur smiled at his daughter's response. "I think you gave an outstanding performance." Her father said, taking a small sip from his coffee mug.

"Outstanding? Yeah, right..." She remembered walking stiffly down the runway and not even once looked up from her shoes. Somehow, the audience found this adorable. _"I was a complete joke."_ She thought, pushing the yolks of her eggs aside. But secretly, she was somewhat thankful for that experience. For once in her life, people were looking at her (or at least what she was wearing) instead of her hair. It was a wonder what a bit of paint and Hydrogen Peroxide could do to your image. As a child, Ritz was absolutely amazed. A sinful thought crossed her mind: maybe her white hair was causing all the problems. Perhaps it was because of her deformity that her mom always acted so embarrassed. _"She always said she wanted a cute daughter."_ A wicked voice whispered in her ear. _"She spends all day surrounded by beautiful models only to come home to **you**_!"

Nonetheless, she was convinced that dyeing her hair would make everything better; she would become more popular, attractive, and adults would like her better. The hairdresser told her that the dye would wash out in a couple of days so Ritz decided to have it dyed daily. When she mentioned this to her mom, she almost cried, though Ritz never knew if they were tears of joy or sorrow. Every day when Mrs. Malheur helped dye her hair, she could have sworn she heard her mother sniffling. She blamed it on the fumes but Ritz found out the truth a few years later, her mom was ashamed. Dyeing her hair had made nothing better. But it was too late for change.

"You better wash that gunk out of your hair before it burns your scalp." Her father commented as he collected her half-eaten plate. "And remember to blow-dry it afterwards, you don't want it freezing up while you're walking to school, would you?"

"_It'd look a hell of a lot more interesting."_ Ritz thought as she ascended the stairs. Her short trip ended right back at where she started, the bathroom. She closed the door tightly behind her and double-checked the lock before removing her pajama pants and underwear. The shower cap was tossed aside and several more streaks of red were painted onto her shirt as she lifted it over her head, dropping it lazily on the ground before stepping into the shower. Ritz gritted her teeth as a jet of cold water poured down on her head. Taking a cold shower was extremely painful, especially in a mountainside town that was practically winter all-year round. But the box had advised her to wash the dye out with cold water to keep the colors separated and prevent blotching. _"Just five more minutes of this and I'm turning it to the right." _She thought as she squeezed shampoo directly onto her scalp. She massaged her head fiercely, being sure to allow the water to run through every strand of colored hair.

For the first few minutes, she stood ankle deep in light pink water. She waited for it to run clear before gradually turning bar tap towards the hot water. The water immediately backed up, leaving Ritz freezing in au naturel, only to be replaced by a soothing stream of near-scalding water. She didn't stay in for long, waiting only for her body to heat up before turning off the tap and wrapping a towel around her. Taking a seat on the edge of the tub, she waited for the water to properly drain before plugging in the hairdryer. _"Well, you made it through another morning, Ritz."_ She could barely hear her own thoughts over the roar of the plastic apparatus but she nodded in submission.

As she looked up, she caught sight of today's outfit. Her mom had a knack for planning out the next day's clothes during the night before and hanging it in the bathroom door so it would be the first thing Ritz would see when she stepped out of the shower. Today's outfit was a white coat over a thick, blue jogging suit. _"Oh yeah, Mr. Leslaie said something about a snowball fight today." _She thought, switching off the power and shaking the rest of her hair dry. She quickly pulled on her clothes and a new pair of socks, grabbing her school bag from her room before heading down the stairs. She stopped to check herself in the mirror before she left, brushing her hands against her coat to make herself more presentable. No pity was spared on the strand of hair that had escaped tinting.

After putting the finishing touches on her image, she pulled on her shoes and pulled open the door. A fresh patch of snow met her as she stepped out into the blanketed streets of Ivalice. "Who knows..." She said hopefully, tracing her frosted breath as it dispersed over her. "Maybe today would be different!"

**A/N:** Well, there you go. The end of my first chapter. Two more are on the way and maybe an epilogue if I get any good ideas. If you're wondering where I got the idea for this...well, let's just say I watch too much anime. I really didn't have much to build on with the whole hair thing so I decided to start with the hardest part. I rather like how this turned out, it didn't veer completely off course like my other chapters in my other fic.


	2. Mewt

**A/N:** Hey all! Sorry for the delay. I had a lot of things to deal with; most of them being school related. I know I've fallen off the radar for a some time. For anyone still reading, here's Chapter 2! I drew a bit of inspiration for this from a movie I saw in my French class called _Ponette _(and if you're attentive, you'll catch many references). It tells the story of a young girl who lost her mother and how she tried to cope with the pain by isolating herself from friends and family (sorta like Mewt). I never saw the end of it, since my tasteless, culturally-ignorant peers were too lazy to read the subtitles. So they fast forwarded it while the teacher wasn't looking and we missed a large chunk of the movie. So instead of watching a truly touching work of art that would inspire us for years, we watched..._Drumline_.

But enough ranting! Here's chapter 2! Enjoy!

**Mewt**

_4-year-old Mewt looked uneasily out of the car window. He had been down this road countless times before but there was something different about the air this morning. It was physically offensive to neither taste or smell but it was still able to make his stomach queasy. "Mama, I'm tired."Mewt moaned, fidgeting underneath his seatbelt. "Can we please go home?"_

"_Oh, you're just a little nervous." An older, female voice replied as a hand reached out and ruffled his hair. "Don't worry; this happens to everyone on their first day of school. Trust me, Mewt, you're going to make a lot of friends today." The car suddenly jerked to a stop, throwing him forward against the nylon strap. The hand slipped off of his head and Mewt instinctively looked over to his mother, who was slowly pushing herself up while muttering something about needing new brakes under her breath. "Sorry about that. It's been a while since mommy used her car." She said with a light smile. "Are you okay, honey?"_

_Mewt gave her small nod. "Why couldn't you take Papa's car?"_

"_Because Daddy needed it for work. You know how busy he is..." The car jerked to another stop, this time in front of a large, one-story building alongside several other cars."We're here! You have yourself a good day, alright?"_

_Mewt looked out the window at the dark, foreboding school and the unfamiliar faces surrounding it. Within seconds he was overcome with fear, allowing it to completely shut down his motor skills. This only made his mother laugh as she undid his buckle and reached across him to open the door. "Now hurry up or you'll be late." She said, giving him a playful push. Defeated, Mewt swung his feet out over the pavement and climbed out of the car. He took a deep breath and made an attempt at the inaugural step towards the school when his mother's voice called him back. "Hold on, I almost forgot." The woman reached under her seat and brought out a small bundle wrapped in tissue paper. "Remember to share it with the other kids." The woman said, holding it out gently. Having never turned down a gift, Mewt grudgingly accepted it. "Don't I get a 'thank you'?" Mewt responded by sticking out his tongue and slamming the door shut. _

"_Hmm...I guess I deserve that." She said with a laugh. "Remember to share it with the other kids. I'll come pick you up at noon. And when I get back..."_

---

"_I want to hear about all the fun you had today."_

"Mama..." Mewt whispered. It felt as if she was right in front of him; her crisp, brown hair, pearly-white skin, and an encompassing smell of lilacs. But when he reached forward to touch her, his hand broke through the curtain of blankets, allowing the sunlight to penetrate his night-softened eyes. Mewt shrank back, burying his head in his pillow until his eyes adjusted to the day. "Mama?" As his vision slowly began to clear, the objects in his room started to come together; spreading from the end of the bed to the opposite wall. The floor was covered with discarded candy wrappers and worn-down socks. A set of books, each turned face-down and held open to a designated page, was stacked in a pyramid shape next to his bedside table. Clothes he had worn earlier that week were thrown carelessly on the chair by his desk. Everything was right where he left it but no matter where he looked, his mother wasn't there.

Finally, his gaze fell on a raggedy bear at the foot of his bed. "Yovette..." Letting out a deep sigh, he crawled towards it. _"That's right...she's dead."_ A dark voice reminded him as he pressed the toy to his chest. The fur had grown ragged and the stitching had loosed; it was obvious that the toy wasn't built to last. Washing it might have been a good idea; the bear must have doubled in weight from all the dust it had picked up. But Mewt kept it exactly the way it was. It was given to him on his first day of Kindergarten; the last gift he had ever gotten from his mother. After realizing its true value, Mewt regretted not taking better care of it. So many important memories were sewn into it.

He remembered waiting at the kindergarten for his mother to pick him up. He remembered sitting in the foyer until it was dark with only the bear to keep him company. But most of all, he remembered a man dressed in black walking through the school doors at around 10:00. After exchanging a few words with the caretaker, he walked over to Mewt and told him: _"Your mother is in the hospital."_ The words immediately filled him with dread and to this day, they continued to haunt him.

Looking up from the bear, Mewt's eyes drifted over to his bedside clock. The display read 6:25; the alarm should have went off ten minutes ago. Although he wasn't terribly late, it would have made sense to start his morning activities. "I wonder if Dad's up yet..." He mumbled as he returned the bear to the post before climbing out of bed.

---

"_Papa? Where are we going?" Cid Randell said nothing, responding only by strengthening his grip on his hand and quickening his steps, causing Mewt to stumble over his own pant legs. The suit he was wearing was at least 3 sizes too big. His mom had bought it for him earlier that year saying that he would soon "grow into it". His father, on the other hand, was wearing the same clothes he had on the day before: a hand-knitted sweater and a pair of jeans. The boy looked at his father curiously, trying to piece together a meaning for his actions. "Is it...about Mama?" The two of them came to an abrupt stop, telling Mewt he was right on target. "Are we going to visit her?"_

_Cid looked at his son with a warm but painful smile. "No...we are going to say goodbye." Mewt did not understand what his father meant at the time but judging from his expression, it must have been something awful. Fearing the worst, Mewt decided it was best to keep his mouth shut to avoid affirming the truth. _

_After another half hour of walking, the two of them came to a complete stop in front of red-bricked, two story house with a large porch. Mewt knew at once that it was not a hospital. After a closer look, he realized it was the house of his Aunt Claire, his mother's older sister. '**That's strange...'**, the boy thought as his father led him to the door. **'Why would mama be here?'** He knew for a fact that none of his aunt wasn't a doctor and if his mother had been discharged, she could have just came home. "Come on, Mewt." Mr. Randell whispered, giving his hand a small tug. "Let's go inside."_

_The inside of the house was quiet, something Mewt wasn't used to. Aunt Claire had two children of her own, Matiaz and Delphine, who were both around the same age as he was, though Matiaz was a few months his senior. During previous visits, the two of them could often be seen playing tag on the staircase. Today, the two of them were sitting at its foot, carelessly flipping through a single picture book. Mewt managed to squeeze in a quick 'Hi' before being led into the living room. _

_Like before, this room was also silent, despite the fact that there were twenty people in it. They were all dressed in formal black suits and dresses, giving Mewt the first impression of a party. It didn't take long for him to figure out that it wasn't. The instant they set foot in that room, the guests turned to see who it was and immediately fell silent. Ignoring this, Cid quickly dropped his gaze to the ground as he guided Mewt through the crowd towards the center of the room. In the place where the coffee table once was, a tall, wooden box was set up. It was about six feet long and came all the way up to Mewt's nose, cutting off his vision halfway. A wall of bouquets blocked the rest. His father seemed caught up with whatever was inside so Mewt took this opportunity to scan the room. There were a few familiar faces; aunts, uncles, grandparents, but no mother. Unsure what to do, he mimicked his father's actions, folding his hands across his chest and bowing his head. He stood there like that for a full minute until Cid told him it was over with a tap on the shoulder. "I have to take care of a few things before we leave. Why don't you go wait in the hall."_

_With a small nod, Mewt left the living room. He walked around to the front stairs in hopes of seeing his cousins but instead found a group of grown women. Though he did not know them personally, he remembered seeing them at various social gatherings held at his house. **'Mama's friends'** a voice in his head reminded him. Giving a deep sigh, Mewt leaned against the railing and listened in on their conversation. People were constantly telling him it was rude but he always did it unintentionally when he was bored. Sadly, this was one time he should have remembered his manners. _

"_Can you believe that man?" The first lady spoke, "Showing up uninvited after going through half of his life without giving her family a second of thought...the nerve!"_

"_I heard he wouldn't even leave his house—not even to collect the body!" Another added. "And do you know what his excuse was? He had work!"_

"_He couldn't even put on a proper suit." Mewt's hands immediately flew to his mouth, stifling back a gasp by cutting off oxygen intake. They were talking about his father! _

"_Poor Remedi..." Continued a fourth voice, "She was always such a sweet girl, too; she doesn't deserve this! That man has brought nothing but trouble since the marriage."_

"_Him and the little brat."_

"_AT LEAST SHE WAS HAPPY!" The sudden injection caused the ladies to turn their heads around towards the source. There was Mewt, fists balled up in rage, glaring at them with ruthless intensity. A few of them gave each other puzzled looks, others stared back with amusement. Mewt could feel the blood rush to his cheeks. He wanted them dead. He wanted them to feel the same pain he was feeling now. But what could he do? Afterall, he was just a boy and they were fully grown women. He probably couldn't even handle one, let alone four. Still fuming, he stormed past them and threw open the front door. Hysteric laughter could be heard as he walked out of the house but he closed the door before he could see their faces. _

_His father joined him a few minutes later in a state of complete exhaustion. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" He exclaimed, taking his son by the wrist and pulling him to his feet. "I told you to wait for me in the hall! Why did you come out here?" Mewt opened his mouth to tell them him what the women were saying but promptly closed it. His father had enough on his mind already._

"_No reason..." He finally said, tightly gripping his father's hand. "Let's just go home."_

---

"Hey, Dad!" Mewt called into the second bedroom from the hallway. "It's half past six! Time to get up!" There was no immediate response and none still a moment later. This was the first sign that something was wrong but it was still too early to panic. "Dad!" Mewt shouted again, punctuating with several hard knocks on the door. He knew better than to enter his father's room unannounced. He usually came home after Mewt had gone to sleep it was impossible to tell what state his father would be in in the morning. Most of the time he would just be tired from work and grumpy but there were more than a few instances when he came home drunk. Even on days when he came home early he was never sure since his dad always kept a few bottles under his bed. There was even the possibility that he was with a woman. _"Hey, he's still young. It's not impossible."_ His subconscious jeered as Mewt desperately tried to shut the image out of his head.

A full minute passed and there was still no answer. Mewt gave the door one last frustrated kick before giving up altogether. "Don't blame me if you're late for work." He muttered as he headed down the stairs.

---

"_Come on, Dad! We're going to be late!" _

"_I know! I heard you the first three times..." A dispirited Cid said as he fumbled with his tie. His normally carefree attitude was reluctantly replaced with a staunch, gray atmosphere. Every time his father put on a suit, his entire soul seemed to leave his body. Mewt hated seeing him like this but it was his own unabating pressure that finally convinced his father to put on formal clothes. They had already made a bad impression at the wake and he was not about to let that happen again. "Okay, I'm done." Cid announced, tucking the successfully subdued tie into his jacket. He checked himself one more time in the mirror before turning to Mewt. "Alright. Let's go."_

_With a nod, Mewt bolted ahead, throwing open the door and jumping onto the unshoveled walkway. His father soon followed, turning around one last time to close the door before walking him to the car. "Are you bringing that with you?" He asked, motioning at the object in Mewt's arms. _

_The boy drew the bear closer to his chest and nodded. "I never got a chance to thank her for it." Cid gave him a puzzled look but shrugged it off. Afterall, children had strange ways of coping with things. _

_Not much was exchanged between them on the way to the cemetery. To tell the truth, he was still feeling a bit uneasy about getting back into a car so soon. Mewt stared at the dashboard, trying his best not to imagine crashing into it. He readjusted his seatbelt and gave his father an uneasy look. That, however, went unnoticed for Cid kept both his eyes on the road. He could tell his father was nervous too; there was at least 5 yards between their car and the one ahead and he jumped every time a truck passed them. Cid also found himself doing something he hadn't done since high school: stopping at a yellow light. After combining the circumstances, it was no surprise that they were nearly half an hour late._

_As soon as their car was parked, they made their way up the church's stairs only to reach the top and find that the gates were already closed. Cid glared at the doors with frustration but almost immediately gave up and took a seat on the front steps. Mewt gave him a curious look before pulling on the door. Much to his disappointment, he found them to be bolted shut. He pressed his wrist to the heavy stone, all ready to knock but his father's words caught his hand. _

_Now there are a few things one has to understand about funerals. One is that they are extremely quiet, especially during the sermon. Another is that a church's entire establishment is extremely large, round, and devoid of any furniture, which meant that any noises you make could be heard even by someone at the end of the hallway. Adding these two facts together, a knock on the door would be heard by the entire audience and considered an extremely rude disruption. _

_Knowing this, Cid's exact words were, "Save yourself the embarrassment." _

_Disheartened, Mewt joined his father on the steps, still clutching onto the bear. They waited in silence for ten whole minutes before the heavy gates finally opened, releasing a wave of suited figures. In the very front of the crowd was a coffin, supported by its corners by four different people. Mewt recognized them as his Aunt Claire, his grandfather, and two of the women he had seen at the Wake. As the group continued to file out, the casket came to a complete halt in front of the steps. Cid instantly sprang to his feet, frantically dusting the snow off the sides of his pants. His aunt took one look at him and frowned. "You're late." She said, glaring straight into his eyes. She was a fairly spindly woman with a skinny neck and pursed lips. Her hair was pinned up into a small bun and behind her veil, her face was drawn with disgust. "But I guess that's what you're famous for, isn't it?" She finished contemptuously._

_Mewt caught a glimpse of his father's fists clenching seconds before he shoved them into his coat pockets. "That is of no account." Cid replied in a controlled voice, "A deal is a deal."_

"_Or it would have been had you been present." Claire said with a smirk. "But since you weren't, I promised the position to Elise." _

_Cid turned to the casket's southwest corner, whose bearer immediately looked to the ground. Clenching his jaw, Cid turned back to his sister-in-law. "I already asked you at the Wake!" He pronounced, slowly raising his voice._

"_And I'm telling you now that you missed your chance!" She returned in a matching tone. Cid stared at the woman with hatred--the extent of his abilities. He was powerless in this situation. As his final act, he grabbed at the center handle, only to be driven back by the look in Claire's eyes. "We already have enough casket bearers," She said in a calmer tone. "You'll only throw us off balance. Now go join the other guests in the procession." He stood in place for a moment but soon realized it was hopeless. With an air of defeat, Cid turned around and joined the rest of the crowd._

_With his father finally gone, Claire turned her attention to their second guest and stared down her nose at Mewt, who remained sitting. He knew she would have done the same had he stood up (she was, afterall, much taller than him) but he glared back with equal intensity. His aunt apparently found this act of intimidation amusing and chose to act accordingly. "You're just as stubborn as your father..." She said with a self-satisfied smile. "It must run in the family. But no matter; children are not allowed to attend this funeral. Go wait inside with your cousins." _

_Mewt muttered an inaudible "Yes Ma'am" before breaking his gaze and walking back to the church. '**At least you kept your dignity...'** His mind remarked. He weaved his way through the crowd,working his way towards the doors of the church. His dad mumbled an apology as he passed him but Mewt just shrugged it off and walked into the vaulted halls._

_The atrium was nearly deserted when Mewt finally found his way inside. Benches of polished wood ran alongside the aisle, all turned to face a golden stage. A massive pipe-organ was fixed in the center, its lyrical tubes sprouting up towards the ceiling. It was all well lit; a huge glass dome let in the late afternoon sunlight and the corners it couldn't reach were illuminated by candles. The priest was still present but left almost immediately, gathering his notes into a ledger before heading through the door to his office. In the far corner of the room were Matiaz and Delphine, his cousins. Seeing no reason in being alone and bored, he headed over to them and took a seat on the bench, carefully resting his bear on his lap. _

"_Hey!" His cousins met him with strange looks. It was obvious from the beginning that their moods were different. His cousins had been sitting silently, staring down at their feet with longing faces. Mewt, on the other hand, was just the way he always was. "What's up?" He restated, hoping to break the ice. _

"_Why are you smiling?" Matiaz came right out and said. "Don't you know where we are?" His sister gave him a small nudge but it was too late to stop anything from happening. _

"_In a church." Mewt responded._

"_At a **funeral**!" His cousin corrected, "There are certain rules you have to follow today! Don't you know what's going on?"_

_Mewt shook his head. "How should I be feeling?" He asked with nothing more than a blink.._

"_Sad, you dummy!" Matiaz cried out, jumping to his feet. His sister took hold of his arm, preventing him from going any further. "Your mama's gone! Don't you know that?"_

_Mewt stared back at him with indifference, not aware that the blissful state of ignorance he had been in all this time was now threatening to collapse. "But...it's not like I'll never see her again. She'll come back...right?"_

_Upon hearing this, Matiaz let out a small snort. After realizing that Mewt was serious, his grin just grew wider. "Unbelievable. You really don't know what death is." He said in a bitter, mocking tone. "Then allow me to explain it to you. You have a dog named Ponnette, right?"_

_Mewt nodded anxiously. "But she ran away about a year ago."_

"_**Wrong!**" His cousin replied callously, "She didn't run away; she died. I know because your mom came and buried her in our backyard. I never knew why she did it...until now." He turned to stare Mewt in the eye. "She didn't think her precious baby boy could handle it." _

_Mewt jumped to his feet, causing his bear to slide onto the floor. "You lie!" He shouted, eyes wide and shaking in disbelief. _

"_You see, when a person dies, their body stops moving." Matiaz continued, "They can't walk, they can't hear, and they talk. We put them in the ground so we don't smell their bodies when they **rot**." Mewt forced hands over his ears to keep himself from hearing any more but Matiaz refused to submit. He quickly took Mewt by the wrists, forcing them away from his head. "Your mama's dead, Mewt" Matiaz whispered into his ear. "She's gone and she's never coming back. And there's nothing you can do to change it." _

"_Shut up!!" Mewt cried out but it was too late for it to do any good. Matiaz's words hit hard and he unwillingly caught on to every one. He squeezed his eyes shut--the light from this world just exposed to him was unbearable. Upon seeing his cousin's reaction, Matiaz put on a self-satisfied and loosened his hold on Mewt's wrists, his job finally done. _

_Released from the older boy's grip, Mewt pressed his forehead to his palms, yanking at his bangs as he ran the words over in his head. "It's not...you're lying..Mama will com back—she has to..." Mewt tried to back away from everything; Matiaz, Delphine, he could no longer trust any of them. But on his second step, his foot gave a slight jerk and caught his ankle, causing him to fall back onto the floor. Though he felt nothing more than a small bruise, Mewt felt as if the fall had just shattered every bone in his body. He just sat there, hiding his face as tears began streaming down it. As the walls of lethe gave way, all the pain and grief that had built up over time on the other side suddenly came crashing down around him. He wanted it all back; the sanctuary that he had the day before, the comfort of his mother's arms and the faint hope of seeing her again. All of a sudden, something inside Mewt snapped. The sadness he had been feeling only seconds earlier had now been converted into rage. As he opened his eyes, they promptly fell onto the cause of the problem; an act many refer to as 'killing the messenger'. _

"_You're lying..." He mumbled half-heartedly, pulling himself up from the floor. He felt his hands ball up into fists as he slowly raised his chin to meet his cousin eye-to-eye. "YOU'RE LYING!!" Before he realized what he was doing, his fingers curled themselves into a fist, which then shot straight at Matiaz's face, catching him right in the mouth. _

_His cousin's neck twisted from the force and the boy stumbled back a few steps, surprised from the attack. Mewt's hand stayed suspended in the air, the sting from impact still lingering on his fingers. Looking up, he found Matiaz wiping his mouth with the side of his knuckle, drawing a bloody streak all the way down to his wrist. His bruised lips had twisted themselves into an amused smile. "So you finally get it..." He advanced towards Mewt, clenching his hands together with complementing cracks. Realizing just what he had gotten himself into, Mewt's hand dropped back down to his side as he started to back away. "Now let's see if we can do something about your denial." Mewt's heel hit a wall; there was nowhere left to run. _

_In less than a second, Matiaz had closed in on him. Grinning, he drew back his right hand and swung it forward. Mewt dropped down a full head, barely avoiding his cousin's fist, and grabbed Matiaz around the waist, knocking him off his feet. They both fell onto the ground, twisting left and right in an attempt to get a better window for attack. Mewt heard Delphine utter a scream followed by a series of quick receding footsteps but he was too wrapped up to give it much thought. Matiaz twisted around and planted his foot firmly on Mewt's stomach, forcing him off with a hard kick. Mewt struggled to get back onto his feet. Through his tear-blurred vision, he was able to make out the figure or his cousin getting up from the floor. Moments later, a fist connected with his eye. A sequence of similar punches followed, striking any place within range but usually avoiding the head. This continued for a full minute until the foreman finally arrived and pulled Matiaz away. By that time, Mewt hardly had any energy left to thank him. He slid down onto the floor, wincing with every movement as if he expected the barrage to resume at any moment. "If you know what's good for you, you better stay like that for the rest of your life." His cousin's voice shouted. _

"_I don't want to see you smiling ever again!"_

---

As one would expect, family relations weren't the greatest after the funeral. There were a few legal issues with the will that required them to sit down together at a table but afterwards, Remedi's family cut off all ties with him and his father. In fact, Mewt had not received as much as a phone call from his mother's relatives in the past ten years. He and his father ran into them once when visiting Remedi's grave on Christmas but no words were exchanged. They remained civil and whispered their prayers before departing for their cars.

With a deep sigh, Mewt shoved a pair of frozen waffles into the toaster and poured himself a cup of grape juice. He raised the glass to his nose, sniffed, and promptly set it back down. The caustic, sour smell lingered in his nostrils as he checked the date on the carton. "I'm surprised it hadn't fermented yet." He said, chucking the jar into the trash can. A bowl of moldy nacho cheese, three cartons of pudding, and a shriveled lemon soon joined it as Mewt scoured the fridge for spoiled products. _"I'll have to remember to go grocery shopping later." _He thought as he grabbed a can of orange soda and a small pack of shortbread cookies. He couldn't honestly call it the world's most nutritious breakfast but it was better than nothing.

"_Almost a quarter to seven,"_ He noted from the clock on the stove top. _"I should get going," _He chewed each biscuit passively as he rushed around the house collecting various articles, including his school books and some fresh socks. He remembered Mr. Leslaie saying something about a snowball fight so he pulled on an old green jacket and pocketed a pair of mittens. When the waffles finally popped up, Mewt shoved the whole of the first into his mouth, chasing it down with the soda before placing the second one in his mouth, holding it by the corner with his teeth, and grabbed his bookbag.

---

_Mewt sat in solitary on the church's steps, clutching his bear to his chest. From his position, he had a clear view of the cemetery at the foot of the hill. He watched as the people, who seemed no bigger than dots, left the grounds one by one. While most went straight to their cars, a few came back up to the church to exchange a few words with the priest. Among those who came up was his aunt, who swiftly strode past him without making eye contact. Mewt kept his face down, almost sure that the bruises from the fight were fully visible by now. _

_Aunt Claire crossed his path again a moment later, this time accompanied by his cousins. Matiaz followed his mother's example, walking straight past without a single word. Delphine followed closely behind them but stopped in front of Mewt to mumble an apology. Mewt opened his mouth to say thanks but his cousin ran off almost immediately, returning to her mother's side before anyone noticed her absence. As he watched their receding backs, Mewt couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. **"What does she have to feel sorry for?"** His subconscious brooded. Afterall, Delphine still had a complete family and relatives to give her support. In Mewt's case, he and his dad were all alone now._

"_**Speaking of which..." **Mewt descended the slope in the direction of the graveyard. His mother's burial plot was easy enough to find, even without the name inscribed on it. The headstone was decorated with bouquets, most of which were Lilacs, and the earth in front of it was freshly turned and slightly uneven. In front of the grave was a wide, vacant aisle where two rows of white folding chairs were set up. In the center of the second row sat Cid Randell, eyes closed with his hands folded on top of his lap. Having already learned the severity of the situation earlier, Mewt took a seat next to his father and mirrored his actions. _

_Cid Randell looked up and gave him two successive expressions. The first, upon seeing that he was no longer mourning alone, was one of relief; the second, upon seeing his son's condition, was one of distress. "What happened to you!?" He exclaimed, grabbing the sides of Mewt's head, turning it from side to side in order to assess the damage. "Did you get in a fight? Who did this to you?"_

"_It's nothing, Papa. Just forget about it." Mewt mumbled, wriggling out of his father's grip. Luckily, Cid Randell decided not to pursue this matter, turning back to face flowered grave. Mewt did the same thing until he finally worked up the nerve to confirm his fears. "Mama's not coming back...is she?"_

_Cid smiled weakly. "No, she's gone to heaven."_

"_Really?"_

"_I'm sure of it. She was an amazing woman; a loving wife and mother untimely ripped from this world. God had a plan for her and there's nothing we can do to change it."_

"_I don't think I like God..." Mewt mumbled, burying his face in his teddy bear. "If I had his job, I wouldn't let anybody die."_

"_You can't blame this on any one person, Mewt." His father said strictly. "Things like this happen sometimes and there's nothing you can do about it. No one can bring her back..." He placed his hand gently onto Mewt's head and let out a sigh. Mewt could feel tears welling up but he quickly wiped them away with one of the bear's arms. "Not even God can bring her back."_

"_But what will she do without us?" _

"_I'm not sure. But wherever she is, I'm sure she's happy."_

_Upon hearing Cid's statement, Mewt's eyes suddenly narrowed. "You're wrong." He replied in a whisper. All traces of speech, however, was absorbed by the bear and Cid remained ignorant of his son's dark words. "Even if she's in heaven, how can Mama be happy without me? She wants to come back...she would never leave us alone!" _

"_**I'll find a way to bring her back even if I spend my whole life looking for it!"**_

_--- _

Mewt was in the middle of pulling on his boots when he noticed a flashing light on the hallway table. Walking closer, he found the answering machine displaying a blinking number 3. He pressed the center button and listened to the messages nonchalantly as he pulled on the rest of his winter gear. The first two were from telemarketers, both endorsing a new type of phone service (_"Mine obviously works fine." _He thought). The third one caught him just as he was walking to the door.

"Hello, Mr. Randell. This is Mr. Albeck from the used book store. I'm just calling to let you know that the book you've requested has just arrived." Mewt stopped in his tracks and listened intently to the rest of the message. "As it is a very rare book, I will only hold it for you until the end of the week. After that, I'll be putting it on display. Thank you."

Mewt stood there for a moment, running the contents of the recording over in his mind. The old man from the bookshop was as rude as ever but there was something about his message that seemed to broaden horizons and rekindle hope. A small smile broke out as Mewt opened the door and stepped out into the early sunlight. A fresh layer of snow crunched copiously beneath his feet.

"_Maybe today will be different..._" He thought as he set off towards school.


End file.
